I don't even know.

Holy shit.  I haven't even written in two years.  To be honest, life is sort of a mess right now.  Not necessarily in a bad way though...  We just finished moving from apartment 1 to apartment 2 after our 6 month lease was up.  I am completely in love with the new apartment.  Fire place, large kitchen, washer and dryer, storage, huge balcony... <3 .="" a="" all="" am="" amp="" an="" and="" animals="" any="" anyway="" around.="" as="" associates="" at="" back="" baking="" be="" because="" been="" begin="" bittersweet.="" blog="" boring="" boxes="" business="" but="" bye="" can="" cats="" cause="" change="" classes.="" classes="" crazy="" current="" cut="" damn="" decisions="" design="" didn="" do="" doing="" donation="" dream="" eventually="" everything.="" expected="" experience="" feeling="" ferrets.="" food="" for="" freeing="" fresh="" friends="" fun="" get="" gets="" getting="" go="" going="" goodwill="" graduate="" graphic="" hair="" has="" hated="" have="" how="" i="" in="" internship="" into="" involved="" is="" isn="" it="" just="" jwu.="" kids.="" kids="" know="" knows="" labs="" last="" leg="" let="" life.="" life="" liked.="" lives="" ll="" looking="" lot="" majors="" material="" may="" midst="" more="" mostly="" move.="" my="" nbsp="" need="" next.="" now="" occasionally="" of="" one="" only="" oss="" out.="" out="" owning="" p="" people="" personal="" personally.="" pixie="" please="" probably="" purging...="" purging="" really="" refined.="" s="" sad="" saw="" say="" scary="" school="" schools...="" set="" short="" since="" so="" sort="" start="" stone.="" stuff.="" sucked="" super="" switching="" t="" taylor="" ten="" term="" that="" the="" there="" therefore="" these="" this="" through="" to="" two="" until="" update="" using="" want="" wardrobe="" was="" website="" well="" who="" whose="" will="" wipe="" with="" work="" yet="">
need a shower and some more unpacking...

Peace out.

Whew.

It's been a while! I have 2 blogs now! My other blog is in honor of the create a thing a day journal, so it's not as personal.  It's still pretty neat though.  Mostly I haven't been  posting because of my job, my homework, and my project a day blog.  It's a lot to get done.  Believe me, I do want to continue this one though.  It just may be far and few in  between sometimes.  I will definitely do my best.  Anyway, life has been good, but stressful at times.  I get really lonely still.  Lucky for me, I have skype and my boyfriend.  My weeks usually are: Monday - stay at home day with Nina - Tuesday - 10:30am swim lessons with Nina - Wednesday - 10:45am music class with Nina - Thursday - 12pm swim lessons with Nina (and sometimes happy hour with the fam at Agave) - Friday - Stay at home day with Nina, sometimes drop Nina in town with Tania, and head to the bus stations to go to Colorado Springs for the weekend.  There I will stay till I have to wake up at 3 am on Monday to catch the 3:45am bus to Denver and then the bus that gets me to Boulder at 6:30am.  I do this because the buses do not run on weekends, which is dumb.  Otherwise I would leave Sunday night. All well, more time with people.  Kinda crazy huh? What I forgot to add into my schedule breakdown was the mass amounts of homework I have to do.  Speaking of hw, I gotta go.  I have to finish some business hw, take a shower, and go to swim lessons.
(:
~Emily

Tearing me apart.

Right now, I know that I cannot handle anything more than normal daily tasks.  I am stressed to the point of breaking.  I am not handling much of anything well right now.  I kind of just want to sit in a dark room for a few days and stay away from everything.  I need peace.  I need to feel stability.  I need people to just back the hell off.  I feel like everything is just closing in on me right now and I can't breath.  The only thing that makes anything feel better is nowhere near me right now.  I miss Taylor so much.  I need him right now.  More than anything, I just want him to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay, because nothing feels okay right now. 

Long day.

The days are always longer when you are looking forward to something.  Isn't that how it goes for everyone? I get to go to the Springs today, and stay till Sunday.  I am super excited to see everyone.  Till then it is just me and Nina.  God am I sore.  I have had two yoga classes in the past two days.  Add that on top of child care and you've got sore muscles.  I so have to tell you about my awkward night. 

So what happened was, I got out of yoga to find out I left my headlights on. I then proceeded to walk from store to store to find someone who could jump my car. I found someone, and I felt so bad for asking. She jumped my car, and went back to work. I go to start the car and it dies again. I had to go BACK for her. So she came back out, jumped me, and we left it running for like ten minutes. I sat with the running cars while she went back to work for that block of time. While I was sitting by myself with the cars, this guy walks up and starts talking to me. Asks about where I'm from and such. He then asks if I want some weed. Later he proceeds to ask if I would like to go back to his place. I obviously declined (politely of course) and he left. Then, this other guy (who is friends with the girl who jumped my car) walks over to me and starts talking. Btw, he walked out of the liquor store. He offers me a beer because I apparently looked super stressed. I declined and he then proceeded to mega flirt with me. He then took the girls keys back to her, and I was on my way back home. I got hit on TWICE in no less than twenty minutes, and offered both weed AND beer. What a night.  Yup.  That's how it went.  I was so happy to be on the road after all of that, even if I was super exhausted.  Driving made me feel less awkward at least.  Annnnyway, let me take this time to tell you about how much I really am in love with my Taylor.  I find myself thinking about him almost all of the time.  I sometimes catch myself thinking about him when I don't even realize I was actively doing it.  I love him so much that I don't even know what to do with myself sometimes.  He really makes me feel good about myself.  He knows exactly how to make me smile.  While trying to explain this to you, I am actually becoming speechless, I am trying to find a way to explain this to you, but all I can do is smile.

Taylor, I am deeply madly and truly in love with you.

<3

~Emily

Boulder.

What a better day to rediscover my blog than New Year's Eve? Yes, I am now living in Boulder.  I moved up here to be a live in nanny for Tania and Jerry.  I help keep the house in order and take care of the little monsters.  It's been pretty tough being by myself.  I miss Taylor like a ton.  I video chat with him like every night though.  At least we have that.  It has been different being by myself.  It is not something that I can say I am used to.  It's quiet if you don't count the children.  I don't always have much to keep me busy, so I kind of lounge when I'm not on duty.  I listen to a lot of music and drink a lot of tea as well.  Today and yesterday the weather has been pretty crazy, it started snowing pretty hard.  It's freezing out there.  I watched a video on facebook of a 20 car pileup in the Springs.  I ended up warning Taywee, I was worried.  On to another random note, I have been awake since about 5:45 AM.  I woke up and emptied everything in my stomach.  I did not feel good.  At least I was able to come back and lay down for a couple hours (on my new heated mattress pad) but I did not get any more sleep.  So, hopefully I will be starting yoga soon.  I think it will help me.  I need some sort of stable low key exercising class.  Anyway, i am pretty excited because Taylor should be up here around 6 PM.  I can't wait!! We are babysitting the monsters tonight, watching movies, and making coffee cake.  Tomorrow night we are going on a date.  Yay!
Well, that's all for now.  I'll try to keep you updated.

~Emily

Btw...I am writing this in English class...

I know... I'm a bad person.  But hey, I'm still participating in the discussion.  But anyway, my mom pretty much kicked me out of my house today.  I have no one to stay with.  I lost my ride to school.  Life blows sometimes.  Luckily Taylor's brother shares my English class, so I can carpool to that one.  I MAY be able to get a ride with Jody to my baking class (ex boyfriends mom, still super close with her.)  A couple problems would be a ride home from baking, and a ride to my Monday math class.  I don't even know where to begin figuring things out.  I need a job like you wouldn't believe.  With job comes car, moving out... Well... A lot comes with getting a job.  It's pretty much necessary.  Not to mention I am about to get kicked off of my health insurance because my step mom can't afford it any more thanks to my father.  This means I need to file taxes, be an independent, and apply for Medicaid.  Again, this comes with job as well.  I am just a huge ball of stress.  Thank god I have Taylor, I don't know where I would be without him right now.  He is pretty much my hero.  I hate this being a 'half adult' crap.  I am old enough to do all of these great things, to be independent, but do not have the means of getting there.  Therefore I am not really a full adult.  If my stress level continues to stay this high, I am going to start losing my appetite again.  I don't fully understand it, but it happens.  Life.  Ugh.

~Emily