So Lonely.

Ever feel EVERYTHING at the same time? Yeah, that's me.  Right now for example, I am happy, pissed, sad, excited, lonely, exhausted.... The list really does go on.  I am a walking mess sometimes.  I make it through though.  I sometimes don't even know how I make it through each day without going crazy, just because of how many things I have in my mind at one time. I just want to be back in Colorado right now...  You really have no idea how lonely I am.  I really have no one right now, and it completely blows.  As you know, I do not do well on my own. >.<

~Emily

Getting Things On Track.

I've just been thinking a lot lately.  I applied to PPCC, I applied to like six different jobs, I need to move out.  I suppose the latter of the three will be easier once I have said job and have a steady pay check.  As of yesterday, I have my license, but in Colorado that does me no good until I have a job to pay for my own insurance.  Figures right? All of this stuff goes back to me getting a job.  I wish the phrase "money makes the world go round" wasn't so true.  Back to moving out.  I have one serious room mate offer, and one that would be serious if she knew exactly where she was going to be in that time frame.  I have a possibility of moving out decently soon, but that would require me to let somebody else support me completely until I have a job.  That is way too much to ask.  (Even if I didn't really ask)  It just seems to me like everything is changing so quickly these days.  Some of the changes are wonderful, some just plain hard.  I mean really, graduation(Awesome!), end of long term relationship(Hell), leaving the state for long period of time(Bad timing), new relationship(He makes me super happy), college(Just another step), job(Everyone needs money), moving out(I don't even know)...  And not to mention all of the newly acquired allergies right? (Screw you allergies) Haha.  My life can seem pretty ridiculous at times, but I am getting through it with help.  I just need to keep moving forward with my life, and TRY to ignore the asses along the way.  Thank you to everyone who has always had my back.  You guys have no idea how much you truly mean to me.  I am going to find a way to show you all how much I love you guys, one day.

~Emily

Back With A Vengance.

It's been a while, I know.  There has been a lot of great things since the last time I updated you.  At the same time, there has been a lot of really bad things as well.  For one, you may as well know that I am now with Taylor.  I know what you are thinking, too fast, right? The funny thing is, it feels like it is where I am supposed to be.  It's kind of like all of my unhappiness and stress just go away when I am with him, or even just when we talk on the phone.  He makes me feel better, not so broken.  Yes, I just got out of a pretty serious relationship, but you know what? If I am happy with my decisions, what does it matter to anyone else? I shouldn't have to put my life on hold just because of a breakup.  For right now, I know what I want, I know what (more so, who) makes me happy.  On the bad side of things, there are quite a few people that seem to think I am not doing anything right.  I was told that watching me is like watching a car accident in slow motion.  I was told that people think that I am changing, but not in good ways.  Some people think that I have anger issues and that I don't take anyone's opinions into account but my own.  They think that I can't take criticism.  To clear things up, if you call me and blow up on me about something that has absolutely no negative effects on you, if you spread my private life to people, if you make immature comments about my decisions both behind my back and to my face, if you lie to me about what others have or have not said, I am sure as hell going to defend myself.  I will not take kindly to false accusations, name calling, and lies.  You call it anger issues, I call it self defense.  You say nothing gets through to me? Try talking to me instead of blowing up in my face for no reason.  You'd be surprised how much better that will work for you.  You say I can't take criticism? Try giving something constructive for once.  You think I have turned into a bitch? No, I have finally decided not to let you walk all over me anymore.  Get over it. :D.

~Emily